My Own Name Means Son
after sam sax
by Benny Sisson
it means son who is of my right hand
it means that the son, who let’s face it,
has been ignored until now, is stuck inside
a telephone booth. He is being used and
taken into the back freezers to trim raw
chicken he is slicing off the wobbly bits
being picky and calculating if the hen’s
breasts are worthy with his right hand he tests
himself the left one could go on forever and he
wouldn’t come like a king
my own name, after all of this, means son
it means something built, something
relating to who has taken their hands
and pieced together some kind of
body my name is a reminder of all
the taut sunflowers that hung in
mom’s backyard for a whole summer
without losing their stance
without exceeding into bastardized
bitches no big-giant bodies bright yellow no
they kept themselves small for her
this means they stopped when mom stopped
this means they are only for the mother
my own damn name is a sun,
an impossible things
it means that the way grandma used to
say it meant son, dammit it meant a predetermined
blood box with men rushing around it
like bouncing my name around a ball court
my own name takes me down to the river
to fish for the one who renamed themself
with my right hand I throw fishing line into the water and pull up
the trout that my father lost the trout so large he wrapped his
whole body around it as it wriggled back into the water
I am now back at the american lake and winding up the line
I feel the heavy and pull up a man
and another man
and another man
and another man
and another man
and I ask them if they are sons
if they have sons
they don’t answer they just repeat my
name to me with black eyes they repeat it
how do they know my name
my name means son
of a right hand
of a king
of a king’s right hand splayed out and the men smack
their tail fins on the shore
and repeating my own damn name means son
my own name is a gun they ask me if I know how to shoot
Benny Sisson is a trans poet and writer, who also works in publishing. She holds a BA from UArizona, and an MFA in Creative Writing from Adelphi University. Her work has been featured with Lunch Ticket, Foglifter Press, New Delta Review, and elsewhere. She is currently a Marketing Assistant for Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Book and Media, and lives in her hometown of Tacoma, WA.